The Tales of Five Miscreants
by Furimaindo
Summary: Story about 5 girls who are transported to the Soul Society during a particularly boring Chemistry lesson. What happens during their time there? Will they ever get home? New friends, new enemies and new adventures are in store for the Bleach characters when faced with these strange kids from the world of the living. Set before and during Ichigo's first visit. Rated T for safety
1. The Tale of the Bright, White Light

**Authors Note:** **I feel like I should tell you this is my first story, so I apologise for anything I've done wrong with it. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, although there is only one reference in this chapter. Let's face it, if I did own Bleach then nobody would watch or read it because it would be BORING!

Chapter 1: The Tale of the Bright, White Light

Simone's P.O.V

First off, I just want to say that it was_ not_ my fault. No matter what anyone else (Ahem, Kit) says, I am NOT to blame. Seriously. You have to believe me.

How was I supposed to know that those chemicals were not supposed to be mixed together? We were in chemistry and I was BORED! Isn't chemistry supposed to be fun, like all explosions and that? Not waiting around for a test-tube to turn pink.

I mean, COME ON! Anyone would get bored. I was just trying to get the reaction to speed up, to make something happen. You understand, right? It's not like I knew that messing about with the experiment would magically transport me and my 4 friends to a completely awesome place, right?

Oh, so now you're confused? HA! In your face confused guy! But I suppose I should explain. Because I'm a nice and lovely person and you all love me. Aww, don't be like that, you know you love me really. Yes you do. _Yes_, you _do_. JUST SAY YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEE! Okay. So anyway, here's the completely true story of our trip to the Soul Society.

My name is Simone Drake. I'm 15 years old but people (Ahem, Kit again) tend to tell me that I act more like a three year old who's just eaten a lot of sugar. I think that's awesome, apparently other people disagree.

People describe me as tall, slim, stunningly beautiful and incredibly terrifying. Maybe it's my long, luxurious dyed red hair with purple streaks that puts them off, or maybe my piercing and beautiful grey eyes. I don't know, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to talk to me. I'm just so awesome like that.

Anyway, the event happened one day when we were in Chemistry and it was just after lunch. Sir had told us to get into groups of four and do the practical experiment that he'd just been lecturing us on.

And as per usual I didn't have a clue what was going on because I hadn't been listening. Does anybody listen to that idiot? I know I don't, maybe that's why I'm failing this subject.

Because of this I ended up sliding over to one of my best friends in the whole world, Kit.

Kit always gets the top grades. If you team up with her you know that you're going to ace whatever you're doing. I don't have a clue how she does it, since she never seems to be listening either.

She also has this habit of being extremely mean, especially to me. She seriously doesn't care about anyone, she just goes through life glaring and ignoring everybody or enjoying picturing their demise. She never actually does anything to them though. Well, not herself. A few choice words to the right people can get anyone hurt, though. Especially when you have a glare like hers.

She gave me one look with those eagle eyes of hers and said

"No."

She does that a lot, answer questions that hadn't been asked. It's kind of creepy in an un-creepy, Kit way.

"Aww, come one Kit. PWEASE?" I begged, sticking out my famous begging lip and making it shiver. Kit glared. That is really NOT a good thing. Kit's glares are enough to burn any man to ash.

"Absolutely not"

"Pretty please?"

"I'm not going to change my mind"

"…Never?" I asked uncertainly.

"Never" she replied. I thought for a moment. Man, this was going to be hard. Kit was extremely stubborn. Then I had a flash of inspiration.

"Would sprinkles help?" Kit stared me down.

"I hate sprinkles" She replied coldly. I stared at her, shocked. She hated sprinkles? What kind of sick person hates sprinkles? I looked at her squarely in the eye, opened my mouth and shouted

"HEATHEN!" Everybody looked round to be met with quite a sight. I was pointing at Kit screaming my insults to high heaven while she just sat there, not looking at me, and copying some writing off the board.

"DEVIL CHILD, BLASPHEMIST, HEATHEN, HEATHEN, HEATHEN!" I yelled at the top of my lungs while Kit ignored me, rather rudely as well in my opinion.

By this point in time, everyone in the classroom was either cracking up or covering their ears.

I hold the world record for the longest and loudest someone has consecutively screamed. Well, not really. But everyone assures me that if it did exist, I would win hands down. They're right to have faith in me.

While Kit and I were doing our little comedy act (it's going to make us famous one day) our mutual friend Allie walked up. She must have realised what was happening because she took one look at us and grabbed me by the scruff of my neck. She yanked me up to a standing position and looked me head on in the eyes.

"Shut up" she said quietly. I didn't need telling twice. I shut up.

Allie's the kind of person where if you don't obey her, there'll be consequences. Serious consequences. Consequences where you might need a trip to the hospital consequences. You understand now? Yeah, she's seriously like that.

She's the kind of person who'll pick a fight with anyone, just because she's bored. She's hot-headed and relentless, short-tempered and argumentative. She's the muscle to Kit's brains. Dumb men let her have whatever she wants, smart men run away screaming. She's shit scary.

On this particular day it just so happened that Kit was in quite a lenient mood and so the three of us partnered up together after all. Kit went to get the equipment while Allie and I stood around, not really talking. I think she may have been punishing me for the previous episode, or what Kit would call 'a lapse in sanity'. Suddenly we heard a scream from the other side of the room.

Quickly we looked round. A flash of our disgusting green uniform got caught in our eyes as a blur ran and cowered behind us.

"Stop it Jessie, it's not funny" The blur whined, edging backwards and pulling me along with her. In front of us stood a short, sweet looking girl with ginger hair pulled into two messy bunches. Freckles spattered across her cheeks and an evil smile covered her face as she held a lit taper under my nose.

"Oh come on Linn", she patronised. "It's only fire. It's not going to hurt you" the evil goblin laughed as she tried to lunge past me and catch Linn with the taper.

"You touch me, you die!" squeaked the girl, pulling me even further away. Somehow the threat lost its oomph when it was spoken by a scrawny girl with a brace lisp who was currently trembling in fear. I laughed.

"What the hell are you two doing?" I asked, removing myself from Linn's clutches. Linn squeaked again and ran to hide behind a nearby table.

"She's trying to burn me!" She wailed. Jessie, Allie and I looked at each other and laughed mercilessly.

"Don't be such a drama queen" Jessie complained. "I just want to show you the fire. See, look how pretty it is." Linn squeaked again as Jessie wafted the taper at her. Allie and I stood back, laughing at the scenery.

Sometimes being friends with Linn and Jessie has its uses. Jessie looks sweet but really she's a trained assassin. I think the technical terms are sadistic, psychopathic and pyromaniac but assassin works too. And Linn…. Well, Linn's just hilarious to torment. The poor mouse is scared of everything.

And she always ends up hiding behind me. Probably because I'm the only one who'll let her. She can't hide behind Jessie because Jessie's usually the one scaring her and she can't hide behind Allie because Allie finds it irritating and threatens to beat her up. And she can't hide behind Kit because Kit simply doesn't care. She'd probably hand her over to murderers before protecting her. Isn't she lovely?

Jessie was stopped from tormenting Linn further by the arrival of Kit, her arms laden with equipment. She shook her head when she saw us all but simply settled for her famous death glare rather than berate us all for being 'stupid'. We got the message.

We all gathered round Kit as she set the equipment out and started the experiment. Good behaviour was never our strong suit though and soon enough we were all dozing off as a result of extreme boredom.

Now you may or may not know this about me, but I can not be bored at any time. My system simply can't take it. I'm like the Wicked Witch of the Fun; boredom melts me.

So anyway, as you already know, I decided to save myself and the others and make our chemistry experiment so much more interesting by adding a concoction of other substances to the water that was supposed to be turning pink. Looking back perhaps this wasn't the best plan.

I ducked down and opened the cupboard doors. Just my luck, it was the cupboard that kept the Bunsen burners, which I somehow couldn't see mixing with the water very well. I slammed the doors shut and shuffled along to the cupboard next to it. Aha! In this one there were rows and rows of glass bottles filled with mysterious looking liquids and labelled with way-too-complicated-names. Perfect.

I removed my head from the cupboard and sat up, bringing with me a bottle of randomly selected liquid.

By now Allie had noticed I was doing something. Her eyebrows rose and her eyes lost their undeniable look of sleepiness. I grinned my mischievous grin at her and she seemed to understand what was going on.

Well, no. Actually I'm lying. Truth is she had no idea what was going on and gave me an extremely puzzled look. But saying she immediately knew is a lot cooler, don't you think? We both do.

I put the bottle on the table next to Allie and she examined it as I went in search of more ingredients. A quick trawl of my bag gave me a packet of KFC salt and a stick of long-forgotten gum and the bin supplied me with the end of a dried-up glue stick and a handful of pencil shavings.

Proud of my findings, I skipped back to the others. Allie had an amused expression on her face and Jessie was grinning and giggling. Linn had a slightly scared look on her face, like she knew whatever was going to happen wouldn't be very safe and Kit just looked plain suspicious.

"Simone, what are you up to?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing. My eyes sparkled.

"Prepare for some fun my dear Kitty" I laughed, elbowing her out of the way and pouring the pencil shavings and the dried glue into the test tube. Next I scattered the KFC salt in. The mixture fizzed and bubbled. We inched forward to peer more closely at the concoction that was being created, even Kit was interested.

I unwrapped the gum, stuck it in my mouth and began chewing. Linn's agitated face turned into one of pure disgust.

"You're not going to put that in, are you?" she asked, scrunching up her nose. I ignored her, instead reaching out and taking the liquid chemical from Allie.

I'm not a total idiot, in case you were wondering, so of course I read the label to see what exactly I was putting in the mixture. Hydrochloric Acid didn't sound too bad, though I had no idea what it was. Shrugging, I unstoppered it and poured it in.

The mixture turned pink and started fizzing more than ever and every now and again it would give off a loud 'pop' sound and the mixture would rise up almost to the mouth of the test tube before sinking back down.

Jessie giggled even more and began to rub her hands together and gave her best, painstakingly practiced evil madman laugh.

"Bubble bubble, toil and trouble." She laughed, the pure glee in her face clear.

Allie was enthralled, leaning forward and peering at the mixture, her eyes almost touching the fizzy pink liquid.

Linn's bottom lip started quivering and her eyes started watering. She grabbed the back of my shirt and tried to use me as a meat shield, but I shook her off. I didn't have time to protect her; I was playing mad-scientist. Linn wailed and looked around frantically for another shield, becoming even more distressed when she found nothing safe was available.

Kit was just watching carefully, her eyebrows raised in slight interest but overall her face was expressionless. The only reason I could see that she was excited and interested by the experiment was because I'd known her for so long. And believe me, when you've known someone as long as I've known Kit, you know what their feelings are deep down.

Finally I finished chewing on the gum and took it out of my mouth. We all seemed to hold our breath (I know I did) as I held the gum above the mouth of the test tube- dramatic effect is awesome. Apparently the others don't agree as the next moment my beautiful, slender hand was slapped by Allie's tanned, ugly one and I dropped the gum.

Down, down, down it fell in slow motion, I kid you not this really happened, until it landed with a plop in the mixture. Nothing happened. We waited and waited and waited, our eyes all trained on the gum as it sank to the bottom of the test tube. But still nothing happened. Just as I was about to give up on the whole thing, the gum hit the bottom of the test tube.

Suddenly a bright, white light enveloped the classroom. It was so bright and so white that I had to shield my eyes from it, so bright and so white that I couldn't see anything or anyone but the bright, white light, so bright that for a moment I swear I thought I'd gone blind, so bright and so white that the only tow adjectives that would ever do it justice were bright and white.

And then the bright, white light faded to black as quickly as it had come and I felt the strange feeling of falling through a great expanse of pitch black nothingness.

**Authors Note: Okay, so how did you like the first chapter?** **All** **opinions are welcome through reviews, the more the merrier! Just know that if you do like it, then you ought to review because if no one reviews I'm not going to write any more chapters! If people do review and you like it, then know that I've already started a second chapter so I'll finish it and upload it ASAP. **

**Flamers, surprisingly enough, are welcome. If you hate it, I want to **_**know **_**that you hate it :)** **Don't just leave me hanging people! VENT!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. The Tale of First Impressions

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach (Funnily enough this hasn't changed since the last chapter) **

**Authors Note:_ Dun da da dun da da dun! _Another chapter is here, even though only one person reviewed. Tut Tut. Thanks to IcedBlueThorns, for your lovely review XD. Everyone who stumbles onto this story please enjoy this chapter and review. **

Chapter 2: The Tale of First Impressions

Kit's P.O.V

CRASH

That was my head, connecting with the hard, pavement floor.

THUMP

That was the rest of my body, falling down on top of my head.

CRUNCH

I'm pretty sure that was a crucial bone breaking.

And why was all this gruesome and very painful stuff happening to me? Because on the first day of school when I was four I played in the sand pit with a girl that I knew nothing about. Because I thought that her weirdness was just her being funny.

Turns out that that was normal for her. More than normal, that was what she did everyday. If I'd have known this back then I would have taken one long look at her then ran as fast as I could to the teacher, blabbering about crazy people.

But I didn't. My four-year-old-self was dumb enough to laugh at her scooping sand into her pants,_ and _when she started eating it. But now it's too late, the damage has been done. I became friends with the strange sandpit girl and now she plagues my life with her hyperactive absurdities. Yes, you've guessed it. Strange sandpit girl's name is Simone Drake.

Hi. I'm Kit Reeves. And let me just tell you, falling onto the pavement is painful, like _really_ painful.

And it was all Simone's fault. I just want to say; don't listen to a word that she says. She has a strange tendency to get things wrong. So when she says that our abrupt teleportation is not her fault, it really means that she is solely to blame. As in, somebody should take her to prison for some sort of felony because she is a complete danger to society. You should listen to me.

Anyway, there I was. Getting pulverized by the pavement and minding my own business, when suddenly a sharp, pointy piece of metal was jammed in my face.

I looked up. There in front of me stood the two weirdest guys I'd ever seen in my life. And that's saying something.

One had short black hair that fell to his chin and freaky colourful feathers attached to his eyebrows and the other had a really shiny bald head that glinted in the sunlight and held the bamboo stick that just happened to be connected to the piece of metal that was so rudely pushing against my nose.

"Hi" I said warily, sitting up and pushing away the offending object.

Bald dude sneered. Feather dude smirked. I glared.

"Is there a particular reason that you were pointing that thing at me or do you just go round doing that to everyone?" I asked.

I mean really, what kind of idiot goes round shoving potentially dangerous objects in random strangers faces? The idea is ridiculous! Apparently bald dude didn't agree, because then he went and did something possibly even more stupid.

He stuck the damned thing in my face again.

"Who are you?" he leered at me threateningly. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?" He didn't show any signs of shutting up anytime soon so I decided to interrupt him after that.

"Questions, questions." I sighed waving the stick away again so I could stand up. "All will be revealed in due course, boys, but first. Who are _you_? _Where_ am I? And _how_ the _hell_ did I get here?" I raised an eyebrow as feather dude butted in.

"We're the ones asking the questions here, you little brat." His voice was smooth and rhythmic, which possibly made me hate him even more. "But I could hardly expect manners from someone as ugly as you, could I? No, it was silly of me to even think that someone without divine beauty such as my own could ever take part in a comprehensible conversation." He sighed as if he was deeply troubled and put a hand to his forehead as if to console himself.

My jaw dropped. I'm not kidding or using dramatic licence here. It _actually_ dropped. _He_ was calling _me_ ugly? Him?! The guy with FEATHERS glued to his eyebrows. I stared at him uncomprehendingly. He wasn't even that good looking; his face was of the same standard of any old mug you could see on the street. Sure, he was better looking than the bald dude, but that didn't make him the authority on beauty!

"Are you blind?" I asked seriously. "Or do you just not own a mirror?"

He stared at me, his average face straining from the obvious rage it contained.

"Tsk, Tsk." He tutted. Really, who tuts nowadays? "Another bad habit of the disgustingly ugly is that they have absolutely no idea when to hold their tongue and have to end up taking the consequences that they can's handle." And with that, he drew the sword I had yet to notice and lunged at me.

Now, I am by no means an expert at dealing with maniacs with swords, truth be told this was the first time I had ever encountered one. But I believe that many people in my position would do something similar to what I did.

So I stepped aside and let the flying crazy stumble right past me. After a moment of frantic stumbling the man regained his balance and turned his head to glare at me. The hatred was evident but he also seemed surprised that I had managed to evade him. No matter, he quickly regained his composure and flew at me again. And I managed to dodge him again, but this time I wasn't so lucky. The tip of his sword just grazed my cheek. He landed and I checked my cheek. No blood, he hadn't managed to break the skin, not yet at any rate.

"What the hell are you doing you crazy freak?!" I yelled. Feather dude merely looked down at me with a somewhat regal compsure and turned to adjust his position.

"Insolent." He said, rather pointedly. It was official, this dude was insane. But maybe the other one wasn't.

I turned to bald dude. He looked strangely at ease, as if this kind of thing happened every day. He looked as if he were just patiently waiting for the bus to arrive.

"Hello! Earth to baldy" I yelled at him. "Your friend is attacking me!", as if he somehow hadn't noticed. He nodded.

"I know." He said evenly, his voice verging on a growl. "That tends to be what happens after you insult someone from the 11th court guard squads under the command of Captain Zaraki!" He ended in a victorious yell, as if he was proud of the mumbo jumbo he had just spouted.

I raised a confused eyebrow.

"Huh? What are y-" but that was as far as I got before feather dude butted in again.

"You may have evaded my first two attacks, but that was merely luck. An ugly thing like you presents a stain on the world and does not deserve to continue its nauseous existence. Goodbye, ugly child."

Whoever first said 'third time lucky' couldn't have been more right, because when he came at me that third time It was with a much faster speed than before. I barely had time to move an inch before his sword was there, slicing through my skin, ripping apart blood vessels and basically causing me the most pain I had ever experienced.

It was horrible, it felt like my arm was on fire, like I was having acupuncture, like my baby sister was biting me again and again and again, like I was being savaged by a bear. It felt like all those things at once and more. All in all, I couldn't say it was exactly _fun_ being attacked by insane strangers.

I winced and grabbed at my arm. The blood was pouring out onto my hand like a waterfall and the two men were smirking at me with evil mirth.

"Ow" I muttered quietly, unwilling to let them see that I was in pain. The feather dude stepped forward again, still clutching the sword which was now covered in my blood.

I took a hasty step back and looked at him like he had a disease. Hey, can you blame me? This guy was the reason that I was loosing BLOOD at the moment. Oh, yeah. Almost forgot about that.

I pulled off my school blazer and wrapped it around the gaping wound, watching as the blood stained the disgusting green material. I hate my schools colours, I really do. It's like a cross between Aqua and snot, which is not a very nice mixture believe you me.

Feather dude was still advancing, an odd look of scathing pity and pride slashed across his face.

"There is no point in trying to save yourself Ryoka; your life will be coming to an end shortly. Yet before I deal the final blow I will allow you to know the name of your killer. My name is Yumichika Asaweagaya, the Fifth Seat of the mighty squad 11". He finished his little speech with a victorious smile on his face, not unlike the one I had seen the other dude pull not that long ago.

I took another step backward, just for safety.

"Just for the record, I didn't understand a word of that" I scowled, pulling my arms around myself. Great, just great. I was going to die and the last things I was going to have heard are complete mumbo jumbo. Perfect, thanks a lot Simone.

As feather dude, sorry, _Yumi-watsit_, readjusted the sword in his hand and lowered into another attacking stance I didn't really know what I could do. Dodging wouldn't work again and running away was a bad idea with this arm so my fate was pretty much secured.

Unless a herd of flying monkeys came by, gave me a lift away, healed me and made me their queen, I was going to die extremely soon. Sighing, I closed my eyes and waited for death to spear me through the chest with that completely _stupid _sword of his.

But he didn't. Because at that very moment a loud crackle of static electricity filled the air and the booming voice of a woman began to call out.

"This is an urgent message for all Soul Reapers. Ryoka have invaded the Seireitei but on orders of the Captain Commander they must _not_ be harmed. Any Ryoka found will be brought to the Captains meeting room immediately, where a Captains meeting will also be in session effective immediately. I repeat do _not_ harm these Ryoka or there will be dire consequences."

The voice faded, leaving behind only a slight echo on the walls of the streets and a deafening silence.

I sighed with exasperation. Someone had actually interrupted my death scene. Ugh, that was so annoying and just so typical. My last moments were interrupted by some random chick with a megaphone spouting some more of the nonsense that seemed to be so popular here. Wherever here was. Way to ruin what little style I was going to go out in. Speaking of which, where was that blade?

There was nothing charging at me, nothing piercing my guts, nothing killing me in an agonising way and as far as I could tell there was none of the high-pitched screaming I was positive would happen when the sword finally hit me.

"Oh shit"

My eyes flew open. The words appeared to have come from bald dude, whose look of hatred had morphed into something that was perhaps a cross between worry and annoyance. Whatever it was, it made him look constipated.

Feather dude now resembled a five year old whose favourite toy was being played with by another kid. I swear, any second he was about to burst into tears and completely embarrass himself. I could barely contain the giggles.

But I managed, and it was a good thing too because Feather dude and Bald dude didn't seem to be in the mood for waiting around for me to finishing laughing.

Having apparently recovered from the initial shock of the announcement, Bald dude took a few steps forward, undoing the end of his bamboo stick as he did so. I took a few more steps back in response and he paused, growling.

"Do you want to continue bleeding?" he asked angrily, returning to his angry walk.

I could now see that there was some sort of horrid smelling salve/cream/ointment/poison in the end of that bamboo stick. It was a tinged yellow colour and wasn't at all inviting.

My nose scrunched with disgust as Bald dude offered me the salve. Instinctively, I craned my neck away and his face became a purplish colour that could rival even the ripest of plums.

"Look, I'm trying to help you here" he growled. "Cover the cut with it and stop the bleeding." He glared as he motioned for me to take it again and this time I did, however reluctantly.

Usually I am a very sensible person. I was, like every other kid, taught not to take stuff from strangers (admittedly it was sweets but the same analogy applies). So please do not let this one lapse in judgement mar your impression of me. I promise, I'm usually more intelligent.

But I was in_ pain_. And when you're in pain, nothing else seems to matter.

Once I'd finished using the salve/cream/ointment/poison I gave it back to him. I had to say, I was feeling a lot better. Apparently bald dude didn't feel the same way. He was still scowling. So much so that I began to wonder if that was the only facial expression he could really use.

The scowly, baldy man stepped forward, and before I could stop him he had my wrists bound and behind me. I winced with the pain of the movement, not helped by my silently throbbing arm, but overall I was rather impressed. I swear, he should be in the circus.

"Oh" I said. "What's going on?" The scowly, baldy man growled.

"Come on" he said, pushing an object into my back that I supposed was his stick. With no other options, I began to walk. But it made me wonder, where was I walking to? One second he had wanted to kill me, the next I'm being taken somewhere?

A slow smile grew on my face and I began to feel a lot safer. Since it didn't look like they were going to kill me yet (Or at least I hoped not) I thought I might as well get some answers. Who knew, maybe I'd be so annoying they'd let me go.

"So guys" I called back to them. "Where are we going?" Feather dude sighed.

"Are you going to be asking questions the entire walk?" I thought about it.

"Yep" I decided after a brief pause. They both groaned. I laughed.

"So who are you anyway…."

**Author's Note: So that was the second chapter, tell me what you think. Sorry it took so long to get here. The third should be out soon enough. Get ready for events starring Allie! Reviewers get a slice of virtual cake! Come on, you know you want the cake!**


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